Friday 5 and some jealousy talk

Jealousy, the actual definition as confirmed by is-jealous resentment against a rival, a person enjoying success or advantage, etc., or against another’s success or advantage itself.

I find myself having so many feelings of Jealousy even though I know that I should not be jealous. I see a picture of a friend who has recently lost weight, or someone that has just received a promotion at their current job and all I can think of is why have I not had these successes? I know that these feelings are someone trivial and there are so many friends and family that would disagree with my feelings and would pat me on the back for all that I have accomplished. But sometimes the Jealous monster likes to rear it’s ugly head. I am fairly certain I have written about jealousy in the past, if not on this blog on my weight watchers blog or facebook or some other form of communication to the outside world. The thing is that I feel it almost daily and and fight hard to not have these feelings internalized into a negative thought on myself. It is the battle that I am fighting and still continue to fight, it is me vs me over and over again. I am not sure who is winning, or if anyone is winning at this point. No one is winning since it is an unfair race of me against myself and neither of us is entirely prepared for how long and grueling this fight or race will take. Today I just wanted to write to write, write about my feelings and lets not focus on my weekly or daily goals. Yes I am succeeding in someways and I feel that considering all that has happened I am doing pretty darn good, but again when feelings like this arrive I have to address them some way. I am not looking for a pity party, I am not looking for some one to tell me how beautiful or perfect I am, I just want to be and be ok with that. But apparently I am not there yet. I am working towards it and accomplishing things like running goals, and food goals are helping. It is a fight worth fighting to beat the me vs me. It is like I am a third party that is trying to tone down the two of me that is fighting. (This is really starting to get weird) But in any case I just wanted to get it out there. But maybe now that I have said that I can look at today as a good day, I mean it is Friday after all right?

5 things I am currently happy about.
1. Meeting my Mom and Gramma Eileen for lunch tomorrow. Family time always makes me scream happy.
2. The weekend is almost upon us.
3. I just started watching Grey’s Anatomy from the beginning(yes I am super slow to get on that train)
4. Hershey Nuggets are only 1 WW point each! Major score for a chocolate fix!
5. Today was payday! Money Money Money!
Now lets move on from any bad feelings and have a good weekend shall we?


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