An unhealthy obsession, or just being conscious.

I think dieting is truly an unhealthy obsession. When someone says that they have been dieting or they are going on a diet they are putting themselves in a negative mindset. I don’t want to be on a diet, I don’t want to obsess about the number of calories or the number on the scale but this again seems to be something where my mind constantly goes back. I know most of you(my closest friends and family) are sick of hearing about me struggling, tired of hearing me be sad about the gain I had or the sadness I feel. It has been something that is looming over me for my entire adult life.

I am the healthiest physically than I have been in a very long time. I exercise regularly, I eat healthy 80% of the time, I just like to have a splurge once in a while, well that is most of the time. Lately I have been splurging more and letting myself have more treats. It is a challenge, it something I have to work on every day. I think about it constantly, Try to figure out recipes in my head and think about can I have that glass of wine tonight or can I eat that piece of toast. I am working on it. I am trying to work through it, when I step away from it I tend to neglect any thought and that is when the weight comes back. I don’t want to be back where I was before I started this journey. My mind truly knows that it will never go back to eating constantly and not caring about what goes in my mouth. I know this will not be some magical overnight thing, this will take time and energy to make happen.

I am changing they way I think about it, I am being conscious of what I am doing. This is not just a goal to get to a certain number this is so I feel good about myself all the time inside and out. This is a new day and I can make the most of it and I will. One day at a time and one step at a time. I did it before and I have not fallen all the way down, I know I can do it again. I will turn what was originally an unhealthy obsession into being a conscious being making a difference.

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