Torn at all ends…

It has been a bit of a stressful week, OK fine it has been a stressful few months! With wedding planning finally somewhat at a halt and the engagement party under my belt I finally feel like I can get back to focusing on me and my health/weight loss. I know this is something that I obsess about, If you know any me at all you will say that this is something that comes up more than a few times even in a daily conversation. It is something that has somewhat haunted me for my entire adult life and most of my adolescence. It is challenging, it is something that I deal with every day. But it is also something I do not want to give up.

The truly challenging thing about trying to lose weight for me right now is training.  I am training 6 days a week for my Half-Ironman Triathlon in Napa on July 30th. I am very excited and I know I am getting stronger for this, but it will be hard for me to lose any actual weight. When I finally came to this realization I decided that I was going to not weight myself weekly. I was going to check in once a month until the race is over and just focus on measurements. Then when I was thinking about it I started to worry, I know what happens when I don’t weight myself once a week. I know I make bad choices and I don’t think about it as often. This is the challenge at hand. I am not sure where to go from here. Do I weigh myself weekly and just not worry about it(so much easier said than done) or do I just keep plugging along calorie counting and training and hoping for the best. I would love to see some results as far as losing a little, but this just doesn’t seem fathomable. I have a goal to lose around 15 pounds for my wedding which is currently not until September of 2012. I know I can do this and it will not take me 15 months, but I also don’t want to slack off in the meantime. I wish I could let this go. I wish I could just tell myself this is the right way to do it and don’t worry so much.  But yet again so many things are easier said than done. Tomorrow is my Weight in day. It will also be a new month so I feel I should at least do it tomorrow and then maybe decide. This crutch is a hard one to let go. Sometimes I just feel torn at all ends.


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